Some parents think that being strict with rules might distance them from their kids. But this isn’t so. They might get upset and complain at first, but they do know that you’re only doing this because you care. Enforced rules only makes your child feel loved, safe, and secure.

New rules are always hard to develop and enforce. Some parents don’t have rules because they don’t want any confrontation or unpleasantness in their home. But the uncomfortable stuff isn’t necessarily a reflection on your relationship with your child, it’s just the nature of adolescence - breaking rules and pushing limits is a part of growing up. We tend to want to be our child’s friend sometimes, and when we’re laying down the law that just isn’t possible. Our primary role is to protect, nurture and provide for our children.

Parents often give disproportionate punishments when kids break rules, and this only undermines the effectiveness of setting rules. Instead, when you first tell your child about a new rule, discuss the consequences of breaking that rule - what the punishment will be and how it will be carried out. Consequences must go hand in hand with limits so that your child knows what the cost of breaking the rules will be. Any punishment you set should be reasonable and should be related to the violation. For instance, if your son smokes with his friends, you can ground him by limiting his social activities for about two weeks.

Punishments should be those that both parties are aware of right at the start. Empty threats are a no-no. Of course, you might get angry when your child violates your rules, and your emotions can be a source of motivation for your child. Since we’re all more inclined to say things we don’t mean when we’re upset, it’s sometimes best to give ourselves a time-out period to cool off before we say something we don’t mean.

Make the ground rules crystal clear to your child. Never be inconsistent when it comes to setting rules and giving punishment.

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